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The Caps Blacked Out So Hard Their Hangover Didn’t Hit Until January

Everyone knows the caps partied harder than every other championship team that has ever existed this summer. But I don’t think people realized that they were still hammered in the rollover minutes for the months of October, November, and December. I mean, I think we’ve all had our fair share of mornings where you wake up and think… “wow I don’t feel hungover at all. Oh shit, it’s cause I’m still zonked from last night.” You feel pretty good. In fact, you’re trying to convince the boys lets get after it again right now! Bottomless mimosas to get the day goin’? But then the afternoon comes around and its game over buddy.

Yes, that happened to the caps for a solid 3 months after the party ended. Caps were still rollin’ on that bonus land. Ovechkin was probably mixing his Coke or Dr. Pepper’s (or whatever the fuck he drinks on the bench) with some rum and he’s been rippin’ tucks all year. Why the hell do you think he crosses the sauces? Because the guy was buckled all summer! I mean the NHL literally had to start making rules against partying because of these guys. And yet they were still rolling on all cylinders.

But then January came around. And that hangover hit harder than the drop at a Carnage show. They were sleeping on the bathroom floor right next to the shitter puking their guts out. I mean these guys just completely forgot that they all had jobs. They just didn’t show up for a solid 3 weeks of the season. Luckily for the caps, it was spring break. And as a fan, we were just hoping they didn’t decide to go on another bender during the break. Luckily for us, they chugged some Pedialyte and now they’re back to looking like the Stanley Cup Champs we all fell in love with. Time to go sober until June again boys. Then back to another month long bender and a dip in the Georgetown fountain. Man I cannot wait for playoff hockey!

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