Now that the Caps have been bounced out of the playoffs, we’re gonna lose a lot of non-hockey fans. But for those of you who live for playoff hockey, who’s your team to root for?

Boston Bruins?

“I got family from Boston!” That actually applies for me. But can you really root for the rat of the NHL? They do have some likable players like Pasta, Chucky Brightlights, and Bergy. But they are also can be very villainous. Plus who wants to see ANOTHER Boston Championship? Those spoiled fucks don’t need another one.

Columbus Blue Jackets?

I believe they have the team on paper. Cam Atkinson, Seth Jones, Werenski are all awesome to watch (USA born studs). But these guys get wayyy too excited over winning regular season games. Remember when they beat us this year in November then did the Kuzy bird? That was pretty cute. Plus, fuck Tortorella.

Carolina Hurricanes?

Fuck those guys and Fuck Rod Brind’amour. Bunch of jerks (I actually liked their end of game celly’s). You could hop on the “I hope they win so that the caps can say they’ve lost to the Stanley Cup Champs 3 out of the past 4 years.” But that’s loser mentality.

New York Islanders?

Should ride the Barry Trotz train now?! I would love to see Barry win two years in a row. But they’re just so boring to watch. Only guy worth watching is Matt Barzal, that kid is filthy. Definition of a man missile. But hard to jump on a bandwagon that’s about to be knocked out anyways.

Dallas Stars?

Would love to see the man rocket that slays every puck slut alive. Yeah, Tyler Seguin is THAT DUDE. I’ve always loved the way Jamie Benn has played. Guy is one of the best captains in the league. But this team dives harder than a Neymar. Can’t be cheering on team Charmin Ultra Soft.

Colorado Avalanche?

Nathan McKinnon. Cale Makar. Tyson Barrie. Tyson Jost. The All-Millennial Name team. These guys are studs and they’re powered by the best player in the playoffs and top 3 guy in the NHL in McKinnon. And can’t forget about our guy Philipp Grubauer!! These guys are gonna be around for a while.

St. Louis Blues?

Are the Blues gonna win their first cup?! Could it be their year?! They’ve got the stone cold tender in the pipes. Depth down the middle. Their style is playoff material. Plus I got a nice little ticket on them at 30-1 earlier this year. How can I not jump on this bandwagon?!

San Jose Sharks?

The Sharks might have the best team on paper in the Playoffs with all of the heavy eastern teams out of picture. Erik Karlsson? Pure beauty. Bren Burns? Coolest cat in the show. Logan Couture? Mr. Clutch. Sad to see American Hero Joe P go down. And last but not least, JUMBO JOE. THIS GUY NEEDS A CUP. Get out of the way because this bandwagon is huge! LETS GO BIG JOE! (I also have a solid future ticket on these guys).

My answer? LETS GO SHARKS! IT’S JOE’S YEAR!

So who are you rooting for now that the caps are gone?