I got you, didn’t I?
You actually thought that I was going to find some way to throw a goat or a sheep into a volcano and save Ovechkin’s pursuit of the goal-scoring record and the Capitals’ pursuit of a second Stanley Cup? You actually thought I backed this team into a spiritual corner? You’re even more foolish than I thought…
It was right in front of your eyes, and — like all great magicians before me — I distracted you from what was right in front of you. I made you feel you had all the information you needed and right when you were comfortable; I pulled a God-damn rabbit out of a God-damn hat.
You may recall that, in yesterday’s blog about how I accidentally cursed Ovechkin, I mentioned that the source of the curse was Voodoo Gods (naturally). I even claimed that I wasn’t sure if I had the means to undo said curse. I also mentioned that this curse must have originated from me writing a joke blog about the fact that Ovechkin is actually very good at the game of hockey under the guise that I was going to potentially scrutinize his game. Here’s the part where I reveal my trick to the audience.
I dangled the idea of sacrificial lambs right in front of the Voodoo Gods’ faces as though that was the only way in which this curse could be lifted. I acted as though it were an impossible feat and that this team was done for. While I sold that bag of magic beans to you people and the Gods themselves, I was simultaneously writing a blog about how Ovechkin is cursed…the exact opposite of what I did to curse him in the first place.
Don’t you see? There was never any need for any lovable farm animals to be aggressively thrown into active volcanoes. I just had to write about how cursed Ovi and the team was to lift the curse in the same way I wrote about how good Ovi is to curse them in the first place. A classic Criss Cross. They refer to that as “reverse psychology,” and I would know all about that seeing as how I got a D in Psychology in University. I’ve always been better at the reverse version of it.
I’m sorry I had to act as though the season was doomed and not let you guys in on what was really going on, but, if I had, there’s no way this would have worked. This had to be an inside operation. This was like the movie, The Sting, or a more positive and non-illegal version of the Watergate Scandal. Sometimes people need to be kept in the dark just long enough to be brought towards the light.
With that, you’re welcome, Capitals fans. Ovechkin is back on track to dominate, the Capitals are winning games, and that sheep around the corner from my house I’ve been eyeing up for years for unrelated reasons lives to see another day.
Stanley Cup, here we come.